go away

I'm not sure if the people in Jax are overly friendly, needy, or what, but twice in the last two days I've had difficulties getting RID of people in my house.

First, there were two elderly gentlemen who knocked on my door around dinnertime on Monday. I opened the door, only to have them welcome me to Jacksonville by name (my name does not appear anywhere on the outside of my house), and congratulated myself and the other half (whose name they mispronounced, of course) on our new house.

At first I thought they must be neighbors, and since we seem to be the youngest people in the neighborhood it wouldn't have surprised me. After a few minutes of ambling conversation, they got down to business. They were recruiting for Jesus. And had found us by reading the local paper which publishes home sales information. How lucky for us.

So after 5 more uncomfortable minutes of getting 'invited to worship' and asked about my religion, I made some vague references to the religion I'd been raised in (already been saved, thanks!), thanked them for their invitation and made shuffling movements towards my door.

Once inside, I chided myself for having opened the door in the first damn place, and not screening the old dudes to see if they were going to try to sell me something. How does one rid one's self of bible bangers without appearing to be a soulless meanie? I'm not one to slam the door in somebody's face unless I don't feel safe, I'm way too Libra to be that rude. But must I listen to every damn salesweasel who darkens my doorstep?

If you're wondering how often this could possibly happen, let's review a list of solicitations we've received at the house since moving in two months ago:

1.) Local security monitoring agency

2.) Lawn care guy for former owners

3.) Other local security monitoring agency

4.) Life Insurance sales

5.) Baptist church guys

6.) Exterminators

Okay, so it's not a huge list, but it's 6 more solicitations than I received in all 3 years in Miami. Guess I finally found something I like about that place.

Then there's the list of service providers who knock on our door, usually around 8:30 am:

1.) Mailman

2.) UPS

3.) Exterminators

4.) Lawn guy

So even though they've been 'invited' more or less, do they need to come so friggin' early? Don't they know some people SLEEP?

Not only that, but some of them are downright hard to get rid of. Yesterday I had a security monitoring company come to the house to assess the installed system and discuss monitoring packages. I COULD NOT GET RID OF THIS GUY. He was very nice and polite, about 6'4" with too many elbows and sharp collarbones, replete with bad teeth and a bad muttering habit. Your typical IT geek, he was. (I recognize my own kind.) He was very complimentary about the house (despite it's current ghetto-construction state), and perfectly pleasant, but STILL. I had a demo scheduled for later that afternoon, so I wasn't trying to hang out and chat. But somehow he managed to direct the conversation to anecdotes about camping with his church group ("Do you go to church? I mean, are you religious???" GAH.), his college education (higher mathematics), his former career (predictably, IT), and probably the price of eggs in China, but I'd already zoned out by then. I seriously couldn't get rid of him. I finally said, "Ok, let's do this contract, yeah?" Maybe that was his sales tactic, just barrage me with boring semi-unintelligible conversation until I relented and signed on the dotted line. (I would've bought without the blab-fest, FYI.) Sadly, I don't think that was a sales tactic. I think that's just how people are around here.

You know it's bad when I complain about somebody talking too much.

So the rule is, from now on, when somebody shows up here to solicit, invited or not, I'm going to let them know right away that I have "a phone appointment" in 10 minutes so we have to 'keep this short'. If they've knocked on the door uninvited, I think I'm going to ask them directly if they're recruiting for religion, and if so, say "thanks but no thanks" and actually close the door. I got sick of having the police solicitors calling my unlisted home phone and soliciting money out of me for the MADD campaign, etc., so I actually told the last caller that I'd already donated, and I really didn't care to receive so many phone calls soliciting for the police. I felt like a gigantic ass, but I said it nicely, and he quickly agreed to remove my name from their calling list. I really hate the hard-core charity appeals direct to your home phone during dinner time. It does NOT make me feel generous.

Frankly, it pisses me off. I knew Jax was a religious town, but should I have to deflect religious recruiters everywhere I go? When it comes to religion, I'm a big believer in doing your own thing and other people minding their own damn business. I also, rather cynically, tend to think that many people use religion as a crutch, so I'm not a fan of organized religion in general, despite the best efforts of the older generation of my family. I think I turned out ok anyway.

So the lesson here is, if you're going to visit me, call first and please, please, leave Jesus in the car.