I totally meant to do that.

And...I'm spent.

So, we did it! We closed (mostly) yesterday at 4 pm. Word to the wise: Don't schedule a closing of a house for the 11th hour on a Friday before a holiday. It ain't pretty. Everything went well with all the document signing stuff (aside from almost spraining my hand from signing my name so damn many times), but we were waiting on the finalized copy of the HUD-1 (the important document) from the lender, due to a last-minute technical error that had to be corrected. After the lawyer called the lender and was placed on hold for 15 minutes, he was told that said document could arrive 5 minutes or 3 hours from then. "Then" being 5:30 pm EST. Nobody was willing to be that patient on the eve of a holiday weekend, but knowing that we'd be homeless with 4 cats on the 27th, the sellers conferred privately with the lawyer and agreed to allow us to move in as if everything had closed normally. The loan had already funded, so it's not like there's a chance they won't get their money. Worst case scenario, some numbers get rearranged and we have to re-sign some stuff Tuesday.

We spent Friday night in our new (empty) house, played pool on OUR pool table (tee hee hee), and just kind of tried not to go into shock from the weirdness of it all. Going from a 2-bedroom 2nd floor apartment in almost downtown concrete Miami to a huge (to us) house tucked away amongst the trees, with a yard, and a garage, and responsibilities? Wow. It's almost too much to swallow.

Two neighbors have already stopped by and introduced themselves and seemed to be right nice folks. It was hard (for me) to leave to come back to Miami, even though it's just temporarily to pick up the kitties and clean the apartment. We probably won't make it back to Jax until Tuesday morning, so that means 3 more nights on an air mattress on the living room floor with the wall A/C unit blowing directly up my nose. Hurrah.

But man, will it be weird once we only live in Jax, not in both places. I know we're going to feel displaced and like we don't belong for a while, but as we settle in, I'm sure we'll adjust to being homeowners.

So, for those keeping track, this week's activities were as follows:

-on Monday rented a 26-ft truck and loaded it

-on Tuesday, drove that truck and our old Talon to Jax ($250 in diesel and $50 in gas, rental price not incl.)

-on Tuesday also unloaded big truck into rented storage unit in Jax

-on Wednesday, rented convertible and drove back to Miami ($70 in gas, $4 in post-sunburn aloe vera gel)

-on Thursday, rented 16-ft moving truck and loaded it

- GOT CLOSING DATE OF TOMORROW SET

- Friday drove truck and my car to Jax in time for closing ($190 in gas)

- attended never-ending closing

-unloaded truck into our new house

- saturday rented another car and drove back to Miami ($70 in gas)

And so here we are. We just have to get our old hooptie truck, his motorcycle, and our fleet of furbabies up to Jax and WE'RE DONE. I'll probably sleep for a week at that point.

WE HAVE A CLOSING DATE

And it's tomorrow. Friday, at 4 pm. Keep your fingers crossed.

We rented another truck, this one a mere 16 feet, to schlep the remaining 20% of our crap. We'll be departing in the morning, me in my car and the O.H. driving the moving truck. He was going to drive his motorcycle, but it looks like the weather won't cooperate.

So, if all goes well, WHICH IT WILL, we'll be spending our first night in our first house tomorrow. And hey, there's already a pool table there! Built-in entertainment on the first night! alllright!

Then we'll return to Miami Saturday, say "see ya" to our friends here, clean the apartment, pick up the kitties, and probably head back Sunday night. We'll see.

Start knocking on wood NOW.

Let 'er rip

Ok, so you know that cartoon where two guys are moving big, heavy pieces of furniture off of the truck using a ramp? And the one guy on the lower part of the ramp who is holding back the weight of the furniture says to the guy on the truck, "ok, you can let it go", meaning, "give me a little bit of the weight", and the guy on the truck says, "ok, you asked for it!"? And then the big piece of furniture slides down the ramp with the unfortunate guy (who really did ask for it) in front of it, and they both crash land at the bottom of the ramp in a heap of sticks, boxes, and bones? Yeah, that happened. Except for that last crashing part. And it was all in Spanish.

We were at our storage facility in Jax, and we had to get my bar (yes, The Bar, the antique cigar display case from the 1920's that I luuuuuuurve and protect against damage with all my might) off of the back of our 24-foot moving truck in order to offload the rest of our crap. We had been smart enough to hire some labor in Miami to help load the truck, but when we arrived in Jax, it was just us two. So I was at the top of the ramp, and my other half (O.H.) was halfway down, pushing up so the bar didn't go flying down the ramp. I was holding the bar back, crouching down because it was really awkward and there was no good way to grip it. I was just about at that point that it was going to slip out of my grip when he said, "Sueltalo!" Which means, "Let it go!". So, I did. Apparently that was the WRONG thing to do, and I learned some very interesting Spanish words immediately after letting go of the bar. Which went flying down the ramp in rapid pursuit of my shocked (and awed) husband. Luckily, I apparently married Superman (albeit a very angry, Spanish-speaking[swearing] Superman), because he somehow managed to stop the runaway bar before it smashed into bits and/or crushed him. It's quite possible that it was the force of the swear words coming out of his mouth that stopped the bar.

Needless to say, we had a 'moment', that one where every marriage is tested. He shoots me a stinkeye look that says, "WOMAN, what the HELL is wrong with you, letting go of that bar like that?" And is met by my raised eyebrows that say, "ummm, you TOLD me to, Einstein." And just like that, the moment is over. For once, he cannot argue my logic. He DID tell me to let it go. What he didn't do is realize that I can't read his mind (I keep telling him, the letters are just too small), and know that he meant, "let it go JUST A LITTLE BIT". So ultimately, it was his goof that caused the debacle. Although I will acquiesce I should've been smart enough to second guess him and say, "really? Let it go? Completely?" Which I shall do from now on.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to second-guess everything he says now. That way I can't be blamed when he asks for something and I give it to him and he hurts himself.

O.H.: Pass me that steak knife, please.

me: Are you sure?

O.H. Yes, this steak is like shoe leather, and I'm not going to gnaw through it like a dog.

me: Only if you're really sure.

O.H. I'm sure.

me: Ok, but remember the bar incident...

O.H. (mutters various swear words in Spanish, begins gnawing on steak like a dog)

So this should be fun from now on.

Despite that very rough start, the rest of the unloading went very well and the two of us managed to pack that storage unit full by 8:00 pm. Without getting smooshed under any household items.

We still don't have a closing date, although we did the walk-through of the house today before returning to Miami. It was nice to see the place (almost) empty and (almost) free of 80's paraphernalia (gold light fixtures, gold-embellished ceiling fans, gold faucets...what, did Midas live here or something?).

So we still have about 20% of our stuff in Miami, and will need to schlep it up there sometime before Tuesday the 27th when our lease runs out. We also need to move a motorcycle, my car, and my old hooptie truck. Oh yeah, and 4 cats. Piece of cake.

Although we did have a nice ride from Jax to Miami today; the girl at the rental counter threatened to give me a PT Cruiser and I threatened to throw a temper tantrum right there in the airport. So she offered me a $20 upgrade to a Sebring convertible. Sweeeet! (She was actually very nice, no threatening involved. But a PT Cruiser? That's a threat no matter how nicely you offer it.) But convertibles should come with a bottle of sunscreen. Seriously. For idiots like me, who kid themselves that they can outrun a sunburn if they go fast enough.

Newsflash: you can't. I now most closely resemble a lobster, post-boil. AND I ALREADY PACKED MY DAMN ALOE. *sigh*. I can't complain...if this is the cost of escaping Miami, I shall happily pay it. As long as the sun doesn't do another cancer dance all over my shoulders, face, and neck, that is.

And one more thing.

I need to get this one off of my chest too: repurposed. It's a great word, and I'm all behind the concept of it. But every design show on HGTV is abusing it. And simultaneously misusing it.

If you take the table out of the living room, and turn it into a headboard, that is repurposing it. You have given it a new purpose. If you take a table out of the living room, and put it in the den, you are not repurposing it. The purpose is the same - it is still a table. You are just MOVING it.

Which, I know, doesn't sound as cool as "repurposing", but as we all know, I'd rather be accurate than cool. Obviously, I've given up on cool.

This is kind of what our entire apartment looks like now. Except scatter a bunch of random cats and tools everywhere. And termites. They're swarming again, I think as a reminder from the cosmos as to why we're going through the pain of moving.

Actually, if it were just neat stacks of carefully labeled boxes, I might not feel so overwhelmed. But it's half boxes, half the usual mess. Which is no fun to begin with even when you don't have to vault over cardboard to navigate it. So the boxes have not added to my typically poor balance and navigation skills. Expect bruised shin pictures in the near future. (There's something to look forward to, eh? Gotta keep the readers coming back for more.)

And still no closing date. Supposedly** we should know by Wednesday the 21st or so (you know, that date we were supposed to be closing on) if we can schedule the close, or if they would like to harangue us some more about the loan. I particularly like when they ask for a tax return you've already submitted, then insist that it needs to be signed - even though it was submitted electronically to the IRS, which mean it's unsigned. If it's good enough for the IRS, it should be good enough for them. But apparently not. I'm terrified they're going to call the whole thing off because on one of my documents the ink faded a bit and an "a" looks like an "o" or something and they think I'm applying for a laan instead of loan. I'm pretty sure that would throw them off.

**I just reminded myself of another peeve word: supposedly. It's not "Supposively" or "Supposably". It's SUP-POSE-ED-LEE. You can use a little memory trick to remember that. Sup = to dine; pose = act like a model, and Ed and Lee are first cousins twice removed. See, isn't that easy? Just think distant relatives acting like models eating! Oh wait. Models don't eat. Nevermind, that ruined the whole thing. You'll just have to learn to pronounce it like the rest of us did - IN THE FOURTH GRADE.

Ooh, and how about "hypnotize"? I can't remember the last time somebody said that word and didn't say "hypmatize". Luckily, this word doesn't happen often in conversations with me, as it probably would have a hypnotic effect on me and I might go into a trance and do something rude and un-Libra-ish, like tell them they really ought to look into that speech impediment of theirs.

Notice I said "theirs", not "there's" or "they'res". I think the whole world needs to review that particular lesson. Theirs = belongs to them. There's = there is. They're = they are. Why is this so difficult?

Same goes for posessives vs. plurals. I cannot count the number of times co-workers of mine have (mortifyingly) sent emails to potential customers that start with "Guy's - ". How embarassing. For all of us. To indicate multiples of something, just add an "s". A plain old "s". Guys. That means more than one guy. If you use an apostrophe, it then indicates the posessive - something that belongs to the guy. (That guy's dog bit me!) There's lots of other cases and conditions that I'm not going to teach you; if you're capable of reading this blog, you're capable of looking up spelling and grammar rules too. I (rather cattily) suggest you do it. Meow. I do try to give the benefit of the doubt - I fat-finger the keyboard too and occasionally miss an apostrophe. It happens. But if you do it more than once, I'm on to you.

I told you this would be a neverending topic with me. Especially when I'm pissy from packing.

For my animal lovin' friends

I know that if you're a friend of mine, you gotta be down with the furry guys. Here's an article that had some surprising information about pets eating people food.

'People foods' that can kill your pet

Think it can't hurt to share your snacks with your pet? Think again. From chocolate to raisins, here's what not to feed Fido - even if he begs.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/24544541/from/ET/