through rain or sleet or snow or control issues

Have I shared my stories about our local post office staff here in Jax with everybody yet? No? It's time.

Twice now I have had a run-in with a postal employee in the local post office. And when I say "run-in", I mean, he acted like a jerk and I did nothing about it (except send mental daggers his way). The Libra definition, if ever there was.

The first time I went, there was a short line queued up on the right side of the office, and two or three employees helping customers. Typically, once the customer finishes and walks away to the left, the next customer in line approaches the counter. You know, the same way it happens in banks and airline counters all over the world, basically. Sometimes you'll wait for them to say, "NEXT!" or make eye contact. sometimes you'll approach before the teller is ready and she'll say, "just give me a sec to wrap this up and I'll be right with you". Typically.

But not in Jacksonville. Nooooooooooooooo. At OUR branch of the post office, we have a Counter Nazi. And he must be feared (in his little twisted mind, anyway). We'll refer to him as A** for anonymity's sake, and because it serves as an approprite stand-in for both his name [WHICH IS ALAN, IF I SEE HIS LAST NAME I'LL POST THAT HERE TOO] and the word ASS, which is a very accurate descriptor of this little so-and-so.

So the bright and shiny day I first encountered A**, I had made the grave mistake of approaching his workstation at the counter before His Highness The Royal Queen of the Post Office summoned me. I had paused for a few seconds after the last customer left his station, giving him the requisite wrap-up time between transactions, which, at a post office, is what, 15 seconds? I mean, once it's stamped, it's stamped, right? What's left, dropping it in a box?

So I approached, smiling, awaiting his attention. I just stood quietly in front of his station for a few seconds, and could have waited longer if need be. But NO. That's not how His Highness works. He must summon you from the dirty unwashed masses. Until that moment, you are unworthy of attention, and shame on you for thinking you have the power to determine when you will be helped.

So the jackass sent me back to the line. I'll repeat that part in case you're not appropriately outraged yet. HE SENT ME BACK. Like an errant, overanxious child, or a hungry dog that can't wait for the food to be put on the floor, he literally avoided eye contact with me, inhaled deeply, raised one eyebrow in the univeral sign of queenliness, and all but put his hand on his hip. He also almost pointed to the line. (At which point, I would've snapped, jumped over the counter, broken off his finger and stuck it where the sun don't shine.) Lucky for him, he didn't point. He just wrapped up his performance by announcing to the room in general, "PLEASE WAIT IN THE LINE UNTIL YOU ARE CALLED". I'm SO not even joking, this actually happened.

If you know me, you know I was plum-colored at this point, from a mixture of outrage, embarassment and disbelief. Mainly disbelief. I actually stole a glance at the rest of the people in the line to see if this was their 'normal'. I saw a few people looking disbelieving too, but others who either didn't observe or react to the drama.

So the queen proceeded to futz around with nothing at all, doing things like rearranging stamps and tying his shoes and turning around at his workstation to appear busy and justified at having sent me back into the line. After a full minute of this, he composed himself, and announced, "NEXT". When I waited for another second or two just to make sure this was actually happening, he barked, "NEXT CUSTOMER IN LINE! NEXT TRANSACTION!"

Luckily, it was a simple transaction, not enough interaction was needed to prompt any conversation from me that might have started with "ARE YOU FOR REAL??!!". Just asking for the postage I needed. My total was something like $7.00, and when I handed him a $20, he bitchily asked me if I had small change. I actually did, but my little insignificant passive-aggressive way of getting back at him for being such a giant ass was to stuff my singles deeper into my wallet and say, "no, sorry, just the $20.". Boy, that sure showed him.

That was the first interaction. I was pissed as I left the post office. I mean, seriously? You're not supposed to treat people that way.

The second interaction was just as ridiculous. I had gotten in line to ship two gift packages, and this time WAITED for His Highness to summon me. (Some other poor girl in front of me made the same mistake as I did the first time, and when she got sent back to the line she looked around disbelievingly to make sure she wasn't the only one who thought it was inappropriate behavior. I met her glance and rolled my eyes to show my support.) Of course he's the only agent available when it's my turn. Again he starts barking, "NEXT". Because it takes me 3.2 nanoseconds to pick up my packages, he starts snapping, "NEXT!! NEXT CUSTOMER WHO WANTS A TRANSACTION!" Gah. So I put my packages on the counter and ask to send them parcel post. Which, when you have large-ish packages that need to go somewhere in no particular hurry, is a good way to send them.

So he ran down this big list of things (that I had never been asked before), "is there any correspondence, currency, written material, etc etc etc in these packages?" Not realizing it was a trick question, I said, "yes." Duh. One of the packages had a card with a gift card in it. Because I'm honest that way, and didn't realize his only objective in asking these questions was to set me up so he could shut me down. He gleefully informed me, "well, then these don't qualify for parcel post." And despite my having told him that I wanted the cheapest shipping possible, he insisted on starting his list with, "You can have it there by noon tomorrow for $36.00, the day after next for $24.00....blah blah blah". WTF??!!! Seriously, who the freak CARES if there's a damn card in my friggin package? Apparently, he did, since it makes him feel POWERFUL.

So as he's trying to ring me up for way more postage than I need, I get really pissed and sick of his shit, and say, "well, this OTHER package doesn't have any correspondence in it. Does it qualify for parcel post?" To which he cattily ran through the list again, just in case I was as much of a moron as he thought I was, to which I answered "no" to every item. Looked him in the eyes, challengingly, as I did so. Just daring him to mess with me again.

I think he sensed that I'd had enough, but he once again ran down the list of how quickly and expensively I could get it there (because that's the last little bit of control he could exert over me), to which I put my hand on my hip, tapped my foot, and waited for the last, cheapest, parcel post listing.

I, who make a huge point over always thanking people for their time and help, made an even bigger point not to thank him or end the transaction with anything other than a huff and an eye roll. Again, I really showed 'em there.

I'm actually dabbling with the idea of complaining about his behavior. While technically, he may be following all the rules of the post office, it's the worst I've ever been treated at a branch, and they should really do something about it.

Guess I'll follow the old baseball rule here, and give 'em one more strike. At that point, I'm putting my foot down. There's no reason I should dread going to the post office, other than the rising price of postage.